Day 3: Coming to terms with a new reality

I won’t lie, it’s been rough.

They say addiction is the inability to sit with discomfort, and I agree.

I‘ve realized every time I reach for my phone to watch reels, it’s because I’m uncomfortable, and it’s the easier thing to do.

It’s hard to not get an instant dopamine boost from mouth-watering food videos, where I can imagine myself in all the good seasons of life enjoying the endless abundance of food with the love of my life, aka my husband.

In reality, it’s hard to exist with all the hard feelings I have about living in a city that doesn't feel like home, where the crime and drug crisis has gotten visibly worse, in what used to be a safe tourist area.

Frankly, it’s hard living in 2026, where you feel the world might end, and a world war could break out any minute. Because let’s be honest.. it kind of has.

This new uncertainty makes tomorrow even more uncertain, and it makes it so much easier to get lost in the screen.

It’s the type of quiet, post-covid era depression that’s like a dark cloud over the sun. Except we’re all feeling it, and we’re all going through it.

I’ve heard this economy described as the “doom spending” economy. I didn’t read the article, but I knew what it meant.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fallen victim to the next great product I see on my feeds, thinking my life somehow is going to really change.

Ceremonial cacao to increase natural dopamine and heart health. Organic skincare so good it’s like natural botox. Fashionable organic cotton pants so comfortable they promise to change your life.

I get excited for whatever new thing I’ve ordered, only for that excitement to quietly take its leave days after it arrives, because it never had the capability to fill the void to begin with.

Now don’t get me wrong. I have beautiful days, too. Our son was the best blessing we could have asked for in 2026, and on many days, it feels like he is the only thing that’s going well this year.

But in order to understand why you’re numbing your feelings, you really have to understand the feelings themselves.

So aside from filling the gaps with my fun and boring to do lists, I’m really having to face what’s going on underneath.

At first, I didn‘t really understand why I felt so demotivated after the initial excitement of change. Was it the recent family trip that didn’t go so well, that left me with new PTSD? The change of season? My husband’s beloved Uncle passing away, who had a sense of humor like no other?

Sure, all of those things felt pretty crappy to me.

Just like yesterday, when a client in our small business decided to be a total d*ck about ending his agreement with us.

Which was an extremely unpleasant situation, to say the least!

Then there was a frustrating situation with a freelancer, who completely screwed up and wouldn’t admit fault, set us back an entire month in our small business, and I now have to go through the trouble of pursuing a refund.

All of this to say, I feel acutely aware of why I was using doom scrolling as a crutch to feel better.

It was so easy to just open social media, when I felt anxious or crappy about the challenges in my daily life.

I loved getting lost in the endless videos of soft serve ice cream, beautiful travel destinations, and cute animals. With educational content sprinkled in to make me feel productive.

Algorithms really are pretty genius at what they do.

I’d cycle between the social media wormhole, and actual reality.

I’d try to jump back over as if my attention span was completely unaffected. Re-engage with my husband and son as if I didn’t just enter virtual Narnia.

It was even getting so bad, my algorithm was showing me videos of neural tracking techniques to prevent early Alzheimer’s. Something excessive screen time in younger people is actually shown to cause. Disturbing, I know.

I even downloaded an App to help counter that.. which feels so wild to even type.

I could genuinely feel my brain and critical thinking working less effectively.

This isn’t easy to write about, or share.. but it’s the truth.

I have to say, after letting out this depressing segment, I’m finally able to connect to hope again, and the positive things I found myself so excited to share yesterday.

I’m all about silver linings. In fact, I can be so overly positive that I unintentionally avoid integrating the negatives. I tend to feel it later.. as you can see, because we’re on day 3 now.

However, I really and truly feel, that there is also so much hope.

As hard as yesterday was, I feel excited for breakfast this morning. I feel hopeful that I’m going to accomplish all those personal goals I set out to, even if it feels uncomfortable.

And right now, it’s really uncomfortable. I even lost sleep this morning because of how difficult the client situation is.

But strong emotions are not a good excuse to waste our days.

Every single day we have is a precious gift, and our time is the most valuable thing we have.

If we only show up when things feel easy, we risk letting our emotions into the driver’s seat. Over time, we reduce willpower and discipline.

The fire within us becomes weak, and we cave over and over again to the dopamine machine.

Which is easy to do, given it’s a handheld device that it is quite literally is essential to modern life.

But if we can somehow overcome this tragic loop it’s so easy to find ourselves in.. we discover a peaceful in between.

Interconnected, yet still connected to the things that really matter.

I wholeheartedly believe that something is worth striving for.

It would be a sad existence, otherwise.

So I find myself again, in the garden today, grasping onto the pleasantries of my daily existence.

The lovely little moments that can easily slip away if we aren't careful.

I will continue this journey, so the thousand tomorrows can be more meaningful than if I’d continued on in this slumber.

Hopefully, I will inspire some of you to do the same.

If you haven’t already, join the Garden, to be reminded of how beautiful life can be.. and to spread your wings a little more, too.